Written by SarcasticRat on March 04, 2007
Too Wasted to Play: Magic-League Mini *FIRST*
by SarcasticRatAfter a long day at school, full of boring lessons about irrelevant topics such as math and English, I finally hop out of my sexy car my parents bought me and run into my house, heading straight for my computer for another day of dominating magic-league with my incredible awesomeness. Just in case you were wondering, I am extremely popular at school. Chicks totally dig me because I'm way hot, and I dig them as well. I have sex on a regular basis, almost daily, often doing so with several women at a time. I also do a lot of drugs, and in fact as I load the main page of magic-league, I feel that pounding headache I have become used to after I have a wild day of drinking tons of beer, smoking pounds of weed, and ingesting gallons of paint thinner and varnish. I'm way too wasted to play, but I need team points badly so have no choice but to join.
As I constantly refresh the magic-league home page hoping for a tournament to come, I finally see it. A TC has made a Homelands set constructed mini. There's only one problem: I don't have a Homelands set constructed deck. I call up my friend Steve (by the way, I have a lot of friends; I keep mentioning it in the article because I'm that secure about it), and he hooks me up with what he says is a sick Homelands set constructed deck. I don't really know much about Homelands, but I'm so wasted I have to take the deck and just hope for the best. This deck is the build Steve gave me:
| RW | ||
|---|---|---|
| Main Deck | Sideboard | |
| 10 Mountain 10 Plains 4 Chandler 4 Hazduhr the Abbot 4 Ebony Rhino 4 Dwarven Pony |
4 Abbey Gargoyles 4 Ambush Party 4 Abbey Matron 4 Apocalypse Chime 4 Ambush 4 Aliban's Tower |
|
As you can see, this is the exact copy of a deck that did well in Homelands some time ago. It relies on early Dwarven Pony beats and clearing the board with Apocalypse Chime, before beating down with Abbey Gargoyles and Ebony Rhino, while also protecting your bigger creatures with Hazduhr the Abbot. It's a very strong deck and should serve me well.
As I join the Homelands set constructed mini, a small drop of sweat trickles down my brow. I know I'm in it to win it, and I doubt any of these losers and social rejects will stand a chance, because I'm so awesome and have a social life. Yes, I have a social life, unlike most magic players who are smelly and outcasts. My social life is so awesome, and I'm spending my afternoon playing on magic-league instead of hanging out with them.
As I wait for the mini to fill up, suddenly I notice something is going on in my room. I had accidentally thrown my expensive Cuban cigar into a pile of newspapers, and there was a huge blaze going on in my room. Engulfed in flames, I tried desperately to escape through the door, but I could not make it before a pillar from the ceiling dropped down before me, obstructing my path to the door and to the freedom from the terrible heat that lies beyond it. The pillar gets into the fire and also ignites, leaving me stranded as the billowy smoke fills the room. Coughing and feeling feverish, I try to find another way out, before I realize that my cat, Socks, is in the other side of the room. I hear Socks meow in desperation, and I have no choice but to turn back. I fight through the flames, desperately limping through the room until I reach Socks. I put her on my shoulder then see my only escape from the room: the third floor window. I step back a bit, then with a loud grunt I run full charge and smash through the glass window, dropping down to the hard concrete path below. I feel an aching pain in my back, but I know I must carry on. I quickly dust myself off then head back in to the fiery chasm from whence I came, in order to save my family and magic card collection. I quickly bustle my family out of the house, then get my cards and sprint. I quickly gather up my laptop so I can still play in the mini, then crash through the door just as the roof collapses, leaving only a pile of charred rubble in my wake.
Exhausted from this disturbing chain of events, I rush our family to a hotel and we quickly get settled. I hastily load magic-league again on my laptop and am relieved to see that the mini hasn't filled yet. Three hours later, it finally does and I'm ready to play. I get myself revved up and in game mode. As round one begins, I once again feel a searing pain in my forehead, either from the fire or the massive amounts of illegal drugs and toxins I had put into my body the night before. I gulp down a couple dozen painkillers and now am ready to go.
Round one: No show
My round one opponent doesn't show up, and I get a match win. Obviously he was afraid of my awesome manliness and ran in fear like a coward, lest he be forced to play me in a duel.
Interlude: While I wait for the round I didn't have to play to end, I get a call from Dan, who is one of my many great friends. I first met him a year and a half ago at University, and ever since that then we have remained very close. We have a cup of coffee over the phone and discuss things about magic-league. The first thing he notices is the abundance of social outcasts, and I tell him this is what the magic world is like. Fortunately, I'm not a social outcast because, as I mentioned earlier, I get it on with girls all the time. Even though I play magic and hang out with others that play magic, I am not a social outcast. I repeat: I am not a social outcast. I only say it because I feel secure about myself, and definitely don't feel the need to insult others in order to make up for my lack of self esteem.
After a long wait, round two is finally ready to begin. This time my opponent is here, and I'm ready to play.
Round 2 vs. some random
I crush this guy so bad. He has no answer at all for Ebony Rhino, and he also is flustered by my trash-talking. In fact, while I play I know I'm going to win so much that I have an AIM discussion with one of my magic pals then paste the contents of the discussion into the MWS chat. It really throws him off his game; I can tell. After awhile he just calls me a douchebag then disconnects and reports me to the judges. I get banned from magic-league for a few minutes, but it was worth it.
Interlude 2: I notice that the heat has gone up significantly in the apartment. After realizing that it is actually hot in the room and not just my amazing good looks and hot body steaming up the room, I yell at my mother "It's way too friggin' hot in here!" Unfortunately my mother gets angry and hits me with a paddle then grounds me for three weeks. When I ask her to make me a damn sandwich because I'm hungry, she increases it to six weeks, and then I stop talking and continue as if nothing happened.
Round 3: some other random that isn't as cool as me
As my opponent discusses with me what MWS server we will be playing our championship match on, I can see my opponent is visibly shaken about playing for the mini championship, and twelve huge team points. He has been in the final round of minis before, but he's not happy to see my screen name messaging him asking if he can host. This may be the point when I tell you guys about myself. I am someone who obviously knows what he is doing and is very relaxed whenever I play. I trash-talk you a lot, and use such insults as poopy-head and stupid-face to get in your head and disrupt your
game, especially when opponents aren't used to unorthodox insults like poopy-head and try to keep up with insults are torn apart by my actions. The guy I am playing knows I like to trash talk a lot, and doesn't like the fact that I'm making jokes about fecal matter while we discuss the matchup. In fact, he actually gives me the win after I make a particularly offensive joke regarding a donkey, two cans of soup, and a German priest. He obviously quits because I'm so awesome and got in his head, not because he plays magic for fun and has better things to do than play against someone who is a complete a-hole.
As I revel in my mini victory, I know that I have reached the top. The twelve team points vaults my team to seventh place, and I'm definitely pumped. To celebrate I guzzle some more booze and painkillers, then sniff some glue and inject heroin into my buttocks. Considering how wasted I was, it was a very impressive victory.
Now it's time for beer...
-SarcasticRat
[Note: because humor articles are usually not allowed, this article is not eligible for prizes except if an extreme case occurs]
Dule on 2007-03-04 17:00 MDT O..k
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Avata on 2007-03-04 17:07 MDT Eh. Not funny.
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Eldariel on 2007-03-04 17:11 MDT I think people should actually start having Homelands-only minis.
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Pollo on 2007-03-04 17:13 MDT Liar!!! you dont have 12 team pts, http://www.magic-league.com/team/team.php?id=1151 you obv screwed round 1 but you dont wanna tell us cuz you wouldnt be cool and u would loss inf friends.
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Streakz on 2007-03-04 17:13 MDT like, this is di better than all other articles
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Zsoltsy on 2007-03-04 17:13 MDT love it
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Zsoltsy on 2007-03-04 17:14 MDT especially the part where you made fun of Kev.
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SarcasticRat on 2007-03-04 17:22 MDT "[Note: because humor articles are usually not allowed, this article is not eligible for prizes except if an extreme case occurs]"
Uh, this isn't a humor article.
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Djinn on 2007-03-04 17:25 MDT All the article makes fun of Kev.
Good Job.
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ANEURYSM on 2007-03-04 17:26 MDT "[Note: because humor articles are usually not allowed, this article is not eligible for prizes except if an extreme case occurs]"
as if this could win a prize for an article... wait it is magic league.... shit...
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sonicqaz on 2007-03-04 17:32 MDT SarcasticRat sets the bar for the rest of you to reach for.....this was good, but 300 card Zoo was better ;)
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snoopster on 2007-03-04 17:39 MDT this article was way better than everything else i've ever read on magic-league. kev got osoowned :(
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Bozo on 2007-03-04 18:02 MDT In your interlude where you said it was really hot, you're apartment was already burned down, but you said you were there.
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hellangel on 2007-03-04 18:19 MDT funniest article ever
u're a genius
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SarcasticRat on 2007-03-04 18:25 MDT "In your interlude where you said it was really hot, you're apartment was already burned down, but you said you were there."
I meant to say hotel. It's not really relevant.
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dsad on 2007-03-04 18:32 MDT I hate my life.
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sui_slush on 2007-03-04 18:33 MDT You aren't even playing Rashka the Slayer! That deck sucks!
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sui_slush on 2007-03-04 18:41 MDT Honestly though, this is kind of stupid. Let's all be honest there are a lot of social rejects that play magic, and just because you don't enjoy partying, that does not mean others don't. Just like sitting around and watching Seinfeld and Connan O'Brein, or talking pretentiously about sports is a big part of your life, other people's social lives are a big part of theirs.
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Buffalo_Wing on 2007-03-04 18:47 MDT [00:05:05] <Buffalo_Wing> sui_slush
[00:05:10] <Buffalo_Wing> rat's article was amazing
[00:05:20] <Buffalo_Wing> i can def. appreciate having a social life
[00:05:28] <Buffalo_Wing> but kev was a colossal insecure douchebag about it
[00:06:03] <Buffalo_Wing> and when you title your article "too wasted to play" you deserve everything.
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CHRONICBL on 2007-03-04 18:48 MDT haha the first paragraph is funny as hell
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DS_McWerp on 2007-03-04 18:52 MDT First of all, this article sucked and was boring. Just like kevs. Wow rat you proved you can write just as well as someone who cant right very well.
Second of all, rat doesnt win minis, so this is obviously all lies and should be discarded immediately. He may win a match, but entire minis, never. I bet he lost to the no show in round one and just didnt want to admit it.
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Via on 2007-03-04 18:53 MDT Poor Kev.
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Buffalo_Wing on 2007-03-04 18:57 MDT ds.
you're dumb.
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Dule on 2007-03-04 18:58 MDT I agree with sui_slush's boobs. But seriously, SarcasticRAt needs to get a life.
Just because the majorty of MtG players are social rejects doesn't mean we all are. We have lives. Some of us in college so we have parties.
Just because SarcasticRat spends too much time here and isn't even good and is a loser doesn't mean Kev should have a life.
And from what I saw Kev was just writing about his state of mind and condition at the time so why bash him when all he did was write about the events surrounding the PTQ and the PTQ itself
~Red-
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ShadowS on 2007-03-04 18:58 MDT Loved it. Finally, lol.
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calcano on 2007-03-04 19:31 MDT lol!!!!
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Carados on 2007-03-04 19:46 MDT This, at the very least, is more readable then Kev's.
I don't even understand Kev's article. Was he playing Magic?
Or poking chickens?
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dsad on 2007-03-04 20:22 MDT well, sure i hate kev's article..
but he's going to singapore and you aren't.
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Alucard741 on 2007-03-04 20:33 MDT Just because he's poking fun at partying doesn't mean that he's implying that we're all social rejects. If you feel socially insecure because of a parody of an article, something is rather wrong.
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dboy1 on 2007-03-04 20:34 MDT LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
by far the best article on ml EVER...btw
[Note: because humor articles are usually not allowed, this article is not eligible for prizes except if an extreme case occurs]
this is that extreme case...best fuckin article EVER
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cjthedude on 2007-03-04 20:48 MDT I love how the article makes fun of people without lives but rat took all the time out of his obviously busy schedule to find bad cards to make this decklist and then write an article on it, he must have no time with all his friends. :/
and ya rat doenst win minis.
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Wiley on 2007-03-04 20:50 MDT this article cured my grandmother's cancer
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nasa on 2007-03-04 20:53 MDT its hard for me to laugh this hard since you took wiley's gmas cancer and gave it to me through the awesome power of this article.
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DS_McWerp on 2007-03-04 20:53 MDT Wiley's not banned?
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dv8r on 2007-03-04 20:57 MDT way for wiley and nasa to just lower the tone.
Kev's article wasn't bad... it was actually quite good, this on the other hand makes me question why articles by SR are dubbed "humour articles" and thus not eligable for prizes... it's an M-L conspiracy :S
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Buffalo_Wing on 2007-03-04 20:59 MDT it doesn't make fun of people without lives, you idiot. it makes fun of people who think bragging about how amazing they are is cool. don't think of rat as making fun of kev for having a social life. think of rat as making fun of kev for being an arrogant douche. plenty of people have social lives and yet don't name their article "too wasted to play"
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JarsMohella on 2007-03-04 21:29 MDT Tru Dat, Buffalo Wing, Tru Dat
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Zsoltsy on 2007-03-04 21:43 MDT "it doesn't make fun of people without lives, you idiot. it makes fun of people who think bragging about how amazing they are is cool. don't think of rat as making fun of kev for having a social life. think of rat as making fun of kev for being an arrogant douche. plenty of people have social lives and yet don't name their article "too wasted to play""
That just about sums up all sides of this discussion. Comment submission time -->over.
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ChuckNorris on 2007-03-04 21:56 MDT :)
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Thats_Game on 2007-03-04 21:57 MDT This was exactly how I felt about Kev's article!!! Nicely done to SarcasticRat for writing this...
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Maltabus on 2007-03-04 22:07 MDT SarcasticRat, as If I didn't already want to have your babies..you write some genius like this. Please don't make fun of Kev anymore..his tons of friends might come beat you up. I fear for your life, Rat.
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Snack on 2007-03-04 22:26 MDT What was the point of Kev's article?
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sui_slush on 2007-03-04 22:58 MDT I talked to Rat about it, I felt like there was an implied stab at me in there, and it wasn't meant to mean that, so it's all good.
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NahHolmes on 2007-03-05 00:14 MDT It wasn't too funny, but someone needed to check Kev for that stupid garbage he crapped out onto the front page and it accomplished that.
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Ro on 2007-03-05 01:20 MDT I actually found it funny. But I laugh at everything so w/e.
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fugii on 2007-03-05 03:19 MDT haha 10/10!
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_Koby_ on 2007-03-05 06:48 MDT SarcasticRat i fell sorry for u , theres a life outside waiting for u , go get it boy !
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DRINKALCOHOL on 2007-03-05 07:50 MDT TALK ABOUT NO SOCIAL LIFE
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Vlada on 2007-03-05 07:54 MDT Rat you can be sometimes pain in the ass, cuz you make fun of like 95% of things on the world, but once again you proved how: HARDCORE YOU ARE!!
I can't thank you enough for another laugh atack you caused me, and i didn't mention b4, but i rly didn't like Kevs article, like FTW, why would anyone publicly say that he use drugs- in my county he would be hanged for that!!! ;)
This is 2nd best article i read in my life-and we all know what article is number 1 :))
BTW i put link to article in limited4you topic, so everyone can read it :))...damn i knew you will write something like that eventualy, cuz you were so pissed off, from day you read Kev article...
Once again, GOOD JOB!!!
P.S. i know deeply in your hart you are jelous on kev and his social life :))))))
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Quantumdemon on 2007-03-05 08:23 MDT GJ SR, it was a laugh out loud look at competitive Homelands block constructed =P
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Thorns on 2007-03-05 08:58 MDT "Type 2 Tech: 300 card Zoo" was of better quality but this was definitely entertaining. Good job Rat!
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CMA-Flippi on 2007-03-05 09:17 MDT I like the humor :)
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coolcreep on 2007-03-05 10:04 MDT Dude i hate your article, but only because im jealous of your active social life, overused penis, extremely good looks, and awesome magic abilities.
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Kev on 2007-03-05 10:08 MDT <3
Well written, great parodie!
No harsh feelings...
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Kev on 2007-03-05 10:09 MDT *Kev is listening to Notorious B.I.G. - I got a story to tell
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pnk on 2007-03-05 10:51 MDT looooooooooooooooooooooooooool very nice!
p00ned
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Ro on 2007-03-05 11:43 MDT Vlada:
I can't thank you enough for another laugh atack you caused me, and i didn't mention b4, but i rly didn't like Kevs article, like FTW, why would anyone publicly say that he use drugs- in my county he would be hanged for that!!! ;)
Lol u suck. You can smoke weed here without a sweat, eh Kev?
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majk on 2007-03-05 12:16 MDT Yea yea that was good.
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Vlada on 2007-03-05 12:16 MDT I was obv sarcastic you dumbass
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sandoiche on 2007-03-05 13:08 MDT LOL
the article is fucking funny :D
nice job rat
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Jester123 on 2007-03-05 13:25 MDT The way I see it is this article was fairly unecessary(its a little over the top), but I do think Kev should have been called on his BS. I don't know him personally, but his article comes off as reeaally conceded, I mean: "I am someone that looks like he knows what he is doing but also very relaxed at all the times I am playing. I trash-talk the ears off your head and use this ‘Gift from God’ to disturb peoples games." Who are you trying to impress?
Also, smoking up and having a social life is great and all, mentioning it is one thing, but flaunting it like something special is a whole 'nother ball game. We all know Magic players have less of a social life on average, but a)why rub it in their faces? and b)its not a big deal, be happy with who you are.
Having said all that, maybe Kev just came off wrong in his article and is baked from 100% humble-pie, I don't know him. Lets just keep the Magic articles about Magic, not a pissing contest.
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Neokhron on 2007-03-05 14:05 MDT LOL. Where's the metagame breakdown?
Congrats, Cyni... err.. I mean SarcasticRat.
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R4nd0m on 2007-03-05 14:07 MDT Wtf where's the kev joke I don't get it.
Who's kev btw?
Oh and the article sucked.
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Vlada on 2007-03-05 14:40 MDT Onle person here that is more funny then rat is R4nd0m...no, w8, and me :P
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bobonator on 2007-03-05 15:00 MDT Great Humor and writing. I laughed a lot. xD
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Kev on 2007-03-05 15:55 MDT <3 R4ndom
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sgtpepper87 on 2007-03-05 16:03 MDT damn, this might even be better than the 300 card zoo article!
so funny :D
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ElvishGod on 2007-03-05 16:06 MDT personally i think this shouldnt have the "humor article" clause on it, and Kev's should..
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Ashmatan on 2007-03-05 16:13 MDT This article is worthless and a waste of my life reading it.
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Chaos_Blade on 2007-03-05 16:24 MDT I bet you wont battle da dude nuccccccaaaaaa. Seriously magic trash talk=best. I wanna see someone get mtg flowed on.
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Lunarvoltage on 2007-03-05 16:55 MDT This article is almost as good as the 300 card Zoo :P Even funnier than the article itself were the comments of ppl who took this thing seriously XD and yeah, this definitely is an extreme case.
Rat > R4ndom :D
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AlexTrebek on 2007-03-05 19:40 MDT I'll miss you for six weeks :(
Slap j00r mama!
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Acid_Christ on 2007-03-05 19:40 MDT Haha, this is great.
"by SarcasticRat on 2007-03-04 20:25 EST
"In your interlude where you said it was really hot, you're apartment was already burned down, but you said you were there."
I meant to say hotel. It's not really relevant."
You could have said something like "I never played magic before, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn last night."
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dre4m on 2007-03-05 19:52 MDT Isn't it supposed to be a Holiday Inn Express?
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ActionJack on 2007-03-05 20:01 MDT he, like it =)
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SUPER_X on 2007-03-05 20:49 MDT Hahahaha, this was called for! This article needed to happen so bad.
The format is a bit... overjoke (if that's a word) though.
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Equinox- on 2007-03-05 21:00 MDT good, kev sucks.
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Lackeos on 2007-03-05 23:39 MDT DS_McWerp on 2007-03-04 20:52 EST
Wow rat you proved you can write just as well as someone who cant right very well.
I'm staring at "write" and "right," and the fact that McWerp accused someone of poor writing in that very sentence. I'm dumbfounded by the colossal heap of irony.
I liked this article, and I don't like SarcasticRat half the time.
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PsyK on 2007-03-06 00:56 MDT Fuck this was lame, Kevs article was sweet. I'm still wondering why you felt it so important to make fun of his indications of his social life in his article. They brightened it up and made it far more enjoyable to read than your normal tournament report.
Like really man, find some friends so you have a way to use your time that's better than writing this dribble.
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Acid_Christ on 2007-03-06 05:22 MDT "by PsyK on 2007-03-06 01:56 CST
Fuck this was lame, Kevs article was sweet. I'm still wondering why you felt it so important to make fun of his indications of his social life in his article. They brightened it up and made it far more enjoyable to read than your normal tournament report.
Like really man, find some friends so you have a way to use your time that's better than writing this dribble."
Likewise.
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Canabiest on 2007-03-06 07:19 MDT Now I want to play Homelands set constructed so bad!
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ChristPunchr on 2007-03-06 08:34 MDT These parody articles are boring now. First time, okay, funny. The second time, alright, still somewhat funny. Now they are just tiresome. Seriously, I don't exactly flaunt my social life, attractive gf, etc but if anyone here has ever been to a ptq(or whatever) in Burnaby, BC, you will see lots of weirdo's. When they used to hold the tournies at mishra's, instead of the Croatian cultural center, during the summer months, the fact that alot of the guys there were severely lacking in the hygene department would show because the place would stink.
I don't even really grasp why sarcastic would bother making fun of such an article, granted that the personal references in Kev's articles were somewhat over the top but he did so to break up the monotony of a normal boring report and did it just fine. I mean seriously, some of the references and pokes in this attempt at an article are so over the top that they prevented even me from smirking. It's almost as if rat took something personally or is jealous or whatever. Besides, when everything is said and done, you are left with these parallels: Rat did not bother to go to a ptq or did shitty at one, Kev did well. Kev is blatantly European(europeans are often egotists to some degree but whatever),Rat is an American. Kev's article was slightly over the top, Rat's was meant to be entirely over the top and was absolutely not funny for that. Subtlety much? Naw, fuck that. You might as well have just typed
"Fuck Kev, along with his friends, alleged good looks, skills at mtg, drug/alcohol use and his need to infuse his ego into his report. He can die, fuck him...subtlety escapes me."
Learn something about subtle parodies. Your blatant burn articles are getting fucking boring.
F
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Ashmatan on 2007-03-06 09:00 MDT Thank you ChristPunchr. You saved me a lot of typing.
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tin_cup on 2007-03-06 09:07 MDT One more article like that one and i am leaving my social life again for magic-league!!!
On the other hand... nah, unlike you all, social outcasts and PTQ winners, I am way too cool to do it!
Though I 'll read every damn SarcasticRat's article from now on!!! GJ!
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Kev on 2007-03-06 09:25 MDT I do want to mention i do not have a girlfriend at the moment
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DESTRUCTOR on 2007-03-06 11:16 MDT hahahaha like it, it's really funny men keep doing this
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Precinct on 2007-03-06 12:03 MDT yea...pretty boring...300 card zoo was more entertaining
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mufl0n on 2007-03-06 13:15 MDT "europeans are often egotists to some degree but whatever"
okay....
and all Canadians are like Terrance and Phillip
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Nether on 2007-03-06 14:51 MDT THe article that this is a mockery of wasn't written well at all.
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SarcasticRat on 2007-03-06 17:22 MDT While this article is a parody of Kev's, it honestly wasn't intended to be a "burn" at him or to "own" him. It was more to satirize magic players and people in general who think things like having friends and doing drugs are accomplishments. Everyone at magic-league has friends, a lot of people have done drugs. The point was that it isn't something you need to parade around, because nobody really cares.
Sorry for those who misinterpreted the article. It's much more subtle than you think, if you actually look past the obvious "OMGBURN" angle of it and think about it a bit more. 300 Card Zoo was the same way, and I find it kind of sad when people completely misinterpret my articles. I would never write an article just to blatantly make fun of someone, it's not the SarcasticRat way.
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ChristPunchr on 2007-03-06 18:55 MDT What the hell is wrong with Terrance and Phillip, you jew-cooker*?
Heh, I just totally farted.
I dunno, Rat. I am sort of bored with these parodies but others aren't. Rock on I guess dude. At least it was well-written. The whole thing came off as a roast though and that's more or less why so many people liked it. I personally would rather let my eyes glaze over a few mentions of some guy's hot girlfriend or whatever, as opposed to reading some other screed. Drugs use isn't really an accomplishment at all and I doubt anyone that reads it to say to themselves; "wow, this guy smokes grass and drops LSD? Fuck, I better start puffing and dropping or I'll be a fucking loser in comparison to him!" or showing off, I would like to think it is more of something that is there so any other recreational drug lovers reading it will be like "hells yeah! go stoner--w00t!". I used to smoke dope and drop acid and whatever else and that was my reaction to such inclusions in reports...going behind the tournament venue, blazing and top-eighting is sweet when you are a teenager...I still smoke pot on the odd occasion I play in a limited event because limited is so fucking gay.
I suppose you need to have been/be part of the subculture to know what I mean.
Don't get me wrong, Rat, you have a firm grasp of the craft of the parody-screed but you are wasting abillity on mtg tournies and tourney-goers joeks**. Magic tourney reports don't need to be lampooned. I love alot of retarded shit like mr.show, monty python, the daily show(and all its progeny), Dane cook, David Cross, south park and curb your enthusiasm. At the heart of things though, the mixture of humor and mtg just escapes me. I should probably go hang myself now.
Cheers.
*Light-hearted diss, don't take it too personally
**In-joek from Pokey the penguin comics...look it up. JOEK 4TW!
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Noob3 on 2007-03-07 17:02 MDT RAT U SUCK AT MAGIC
GEMMED RHINO CUX
SO DO U
UR NOT HOT & IF U SMOKED 1 POUND OF WEED UD BE RETARDED
LOL OH WAIT
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poopascoopa on 2007-03-07 19:43 MDT They should've let someone who is actually funny write the article.
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cyruseli on 2007-03-07 22:27 MDT The fact that neither of the Too Wasted to Play articles mentioned the ultimate nerd drug, Robotussin, means that neither of them are good...or even enjoyable...
Next time I'll write the damn article
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tarzaM on 2007-03-07 23:37 MDT sutil as a hippopotamus shitting and spreading their feces with their tales.
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Tinefol on 2007-03-08 03:34 MDT Hilarious.
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Alandariel on 2007-03-08 06:42 MDT <3
My hero.
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h0m3r on 2007-03-09 10:44 MDT count yourself lucky. you could have died because you were high on drugs and then your bedroom was on fire. plus bet you think you're really cool talking about how awesome you are, but i have some news for you dude. you aren't cool. you should stop trash-talking and maybe GET A JOB. think about that while you sleep with all those women. maybe it'll make you lose your erection jackass.
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HdH_Cthulhu on 2007-03-10 14:01 MDT I have no live becouse i am in the Army :(
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SpareSocks on 2007-03-11 19:43 MDT You're all dumb i hate you.
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Bulkan on 2007-03-12 13:56 MDT SO funny love it
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Emotional on 2007-03-13 00:29 MDT eh, if you put a few things together in this article...
You figure out that SacrasticRat is some sort of college or universty that still lives in his mom(and dads?) apartment. It doesn't sound like he has a job, but I'm not going to jump to conclusions.. oh, it also says that you deprive yourself everyday by going 'straight' for the computer.
Eh, and by the way..
drugs+no life+SacrasticRat= I lawl
EDIT: Wow, I totally apologize to you SacrasticRat...
I just read Kevs article, and he really is very insecure about himself...
So, haha.. love the article now.. hah..
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KaleGozer on 2007-03-14 12:11 MDT SarcasticRat, I wish I was as good at writing at you. My compliments sir, you have done it again.
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kevinconvery on 2007-03-18 22:26 MDT Amusing nonetheless. Maybe a story about the ever-popular Mercadian Masques mini next?
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Poopsack2 on 2007-03-19 17:18 MDT Inf. goodness
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Samyueru on 2007-04-02 11:34 MDT I didn't get this article first time I read it, because I hadn't read Kev's. Now that I've read Kev's this makes much more sense. Not laugh out loud funny, but brings up a good point. GJ SR. Enjoyed it somewhat, but could you try some subtler humour next time round?
